You Heard Me That Night, Didn't You?
by Winaru
Summary: First Iba overhears a private, albeit drunken, conversation between Yumichika and Aru (OC), then Ikkaku hides in a tree to eavesdrop on Aru and Iba as they talk of their troubles and longings. He still has questions, but he knows what he must do. Iba explains to Aru why he revealed her secret to Ikkaku, while Aru is still kept in the dark about her intimate encounter with Renji.
1. Chapter 1

This is a story that I wrote a long, long time ago. I hadn't realized how long it had been until I read this story over today.

Whether this story is any good, I'm glad I did the best I could when the words were ripe and the inspiration for it was hopeful and courageous.

I hope you will enjoy it.

(Disclaimer: I do not own _Bleach_, obviously.)

...

*smile*

-W.

* * *

"You heard me that night, didn't you?"

Aru thought she had approached him as silently as she could; but she couldn't deny that any vice-captain could sense the minutest trace of reiatsu even from worlds away. Especially a vice-captain who used to belong to her division –the eleventh division of the Gotei thirteen –and had rather successfully led that infamous collection of warriors: known for their natural propensity to feed indiscriminately upon their own lust for battle.

His head remained still, and the impenetrable darkness of his sunglasses prevented anyone from following the trajectory of his gaze. Yet she knew that he had sensed her presence, and that he had been listening intently to her even before she had spoken. Noticing the approach of another soul, whether that of a friend or fowl, was an imperative part of any warrior's training. And as Iba Tetsuzaemon had once been a superior to the current third seat of her division, she probably wouldn't have been surprised even if he had heard her approaching footsteps –carrying the rustling of the grass and the winds –the second she had decided to come and visit him.

She heard him smirk; a mocking sound that answered her imposed question without words.

"You should be more careful next time." His voice was deep and conveyed an air of seriousness. "The sake you and Ayasegawa favour may not seem strong at first, but a few sips too many would completely veil your minds."

It was Aru's turn to smirk. Yes, of course _he_ would know about discriminate drinking. But she could tell by his tone of voice that he hadn't been drinking, not recently at least, and she felt it better that she didn't make her point.

"A nebulous mind is in danger of revealing the darkest and most unspeakable secrets."

A wave of guilt crashed against her conscience. So he did hear it from her after all.

And there she was, thinking that any vice-captain could sense the presence of a hidden Bankai for themselves, even if it had been subdued with the utmost skill.

"Yet, I can't say I didn't enjoy the surprise on Ikkaku's and your face –or fear, should I say –when I told him that I knew."

"I'd have loved to see the surprise on _your _face that night when you heard it from me first."

He chuckled. "Alcohol really does let you miss out on the most satisfying of moments."

She silently signaled her agreement.

_But it also dulls pain during times of despair –when you feel you've been impaled through every last morsel of flesh on your body. _

She kept this comment silent, carefully tucked away into her subconscious, and sat down beside him on the last dry patch of grass.

It had rained yesterday. She wondered whether it had been out of happiness and pride for their victory, or sorrow for the defeat of the Arrancar. Whose side did nature stand on? But that no longer mattered the slightest: Victory had decided to shine its light upon their side, while defeat doomed upon the other. Peace had been restored to Soul Society and Karakura town. The substitute Shinigami, Quincy, and the rest of the humans had returned to dwell among the living. Life had gone back to the way it had always been. Yet, she couldn't deny that _some_ things had indeed changed –things that had been involuntarily led astray, and events that she could not reverse. That was why she had chosen to visit him today. To speak to him, in hope that she would discover a way to reconstruct the past without turning back time.

"You heard me that night, didn't you?"

He was not surprised to hear her repeat an already discussed question. There were words with multiple meanings; there were also questions that demanded variant answers.

"Yes. And I believed, and still believe, that he had a right to know."

She praised the unified spirit of comrades. Even if they didn't belong to the same team anymore, the spirit of the eleventh division still flared undyingly within them both. And so, she was not surprised that he knew this was one of those questions with two different answers.


	2. Chapter 2

I guess from now on passages following * will detail character flashbacks.

Only the OC character Aru and some of what the original _Bleach _characters say and think about her belong to me.

I borrowed Automail from _Full Metal Alchemist_, but don't worry, just this one little item found its way from Amestris to Soul Society. Ed and Al won't be making any wacky surprise appearances.

*wink*

~W.

* * *

_"Ikkaku's an idiot." _

_ "The values of the eleventh division are _completely_ convoluted."_

_ Sake had caused them to throw out words from their mouths that would have been bound to balls and chains on any other occasion._

_ "But especially Ikkaku's whole 'my dream is to die under his command' ideal..." Pausing, she took another sip of sake. She closed her eyes either think of evidence to support her capricious declaration, or simply savouring the taste of inebriation. "Why is he so devoted to this squad? Why the hell is he so loyal to Captain Zaraki?" Amidst the superficial tone of a drunken young woman, there was a slight accentuation of annoyance in her voice._

_ A smile crept across Yumichika's buoyant face, glowing in a colour comparable to that of the hair of a certain lieutenant. "Ah, a lot of history goes into that answer…" He replied airily. And since only sober people care about details, the blank was only filled by the scattered chirps of the summer crickets._

_ "It's as if he thinks his life isn't worth anything –as if he thinks he's _expendable_. That's what he thinks deep down, isn't it? That his life will only come to matter in the face of death."_

_Yumichika remained silent. And because sake reawakens the soul's dormant attachment to soliloquies, she continued speaking –to herself at least, if not to anyone else. _

_ But he _was _listening. He knew that the bottomless contents of the heart only surfaced during moments of solitary speech, and there were still mountains of things he still wanted to know about her. _

_A cloud in the dusky night sky unveiled the moon, and the luminous coin's light cast him into the shadows. He lay there quietly, as if in secrecy, letting the sound of her voice flow into his ears along with everything she had to say._

_ "The idiot has just too much pride." The words escaped from her mouth fast enough to avoid the gush of liquid that swept down her throat. "And the more pride a person has, the harder it is for them to swallow it when it's necessary for them to do so… That's why he is so reluctant on releasing his Bankai isn't it?" She paused briefly though she was not expecting an answer. "Pride for his place in the eleventh division, pride for his utmost devotion to his captain… That's why he didn't release Ryumon Hozukimaru until the very last minute, isn't it? Until the very, very last moment when he knew that he definitely would have died if he didn't."_

_She heard a soft rustling of leaves nearby, but heeding no attention and not wanting to disrupt her current reverie, she simply took it for a cat wandering aimlessly in the night. And somehow, she knew that if it were a cat; it would have definitely been a black one. _

_ Black was the colour of the Shinigami. White was that of the Arrancar. And the towering image of one particular Arrancar pieced itself back together in her mind._

_ "Edorad Leones…" The very name tasted bitter in her mouth._

_Shinigami in the eleventh division never repeated the names of those who had died in battle. By facing defeat, they had tainted their name, their rank, and everything they had yelled out during the opening of a fight to the death. From then on, whether the deceased had been a comrade or enemy, their name would connote nothing except weakness and shame. And the strong halls of the eleventh division had no tolerance for such inferiority. But just by saying this name aloud, Ikkaku's face –distorted with anger and pain, yet smiling menacingly with wretched joy –resurfaced in her mind, along with everything she had felt that night while watching him being thrashed around like a broken toy whose irreplaceable value nobody acknowledged. Fear, above all, was most intense and distinguishable. Especially after Yumichika uttered the words: "See… that overjoyed look on his face… Ikkaku's having so much fun…" His voice at the time was soft and calm, but his attempt at indifference was futile. Even Asano Keigo, someone who had known him for only a day, could easily have sensed his staggering anxiety. She hadn't even tried to hide hers. She could only imagine how futile her attempts at keeping _him_ calm would have surely been. _

"_What would he have done if it somebody other than Asano had been there that night?" She asked the cool air of a placid summer's night, although she was equally curious on why he had decided to release his powers even with Asano around. But the answer came to her as quickly as the question left. Of course, it was Ikkaku; he would have paraded that hideous expression on his face where his mouth stretched towards the sides of his face and his lips puckered downward showering spite and malice, while he leered down at his victim through mere slits for eyes that were capable of spurring uttermost fear in the prey that itself didn't know it was capable of feeling. She smiled. "The same expression he gives to people who call him 'bald'". She thought. Asano certainly wouldn't have wanted to remain at the end of that kind of trajectory for long. And because of that, he wouldn't have dared expose Ikkaku's secret to anyone. Asano was someone weaker than him, so Ikkaku had willingly exposed his darkest secret in his presence, knowing that keeping him quiet would be effortless. A fly that knew the secret of a man's palm has already positioned itself in the centre of the hornet's nest. _

_And even without thinking, she knew the answer to her previous question. If anyone other than Yumichika, Renji and herself had been watching him that day; he would have died, right before that person's eyes. And whoever it was would never have known that it was their presence that had brought about his death. _

"_He would have died." She said, answering her own question with no hint of hesitance. She knew Ikkaku as well as the motionless figure beside her, and understood his actions and all the reasons behind them. But understanding never implied acceptance. _

"_I just don't get it!" She exclaimed. Frustrated or simply tired, she closed her eyes and released a heavy sigh that smelled intensely of sake. "If he wants to be so proud, why doesn't he just get stronger? That's what this convoluted division is all about isn't it? –Strength; and fighting to victory even when it will eventually kill you. Isn't Bankai an indicator of strength and superiority? Then why doesn't he embrace that fact with the pride of a warrior who belongs in the eleventh division?" She didn't understand why she was speaking in questions, especially since there was no one around to answer. _

_The light of the moon now fully shone upon her companion in the hollow darkness, illuminating his face and accentuating a spiritual glow on the fine features that he had so often boasted haughtily about. "Indeed, one does look more beautiful when one isn't vaunting over his own beauty." She chuckled under her breath unaware that he had heard every word she said from the very beginning of her 'soliloquy'. She saw him frown, but simply took it as a sign of a bad dream and unconsciously slipped back into her solemn reverie. _

"_His pride as a warrior of the eleventh division… is no more than blatant childish stubbornness! Full of incoherent ideas compiled because he sticks to the first and most primitive idea that pops into his head and is too stubborn and idiotic to think of better ways to solve the problem before him. He says that he cares about winning and that losing is worse than death, but the way he attacks someone face on when he's injured, the way he never lets anyone come to his aid in battle, the way he fights without ever releasing his full power… it's as if he's summoning defeat to devour him every second that he is in battle…_

"_A fight is meaningless if you just end up losing –even more so if you lose from pure stubbornness to release your last speck of power. And losing either way would taint both your reputation and pride as a warrior of the strongest eleventh division! So, why do you still risk facing defeat when victory is only a few steps away?"_

_Taking a long, lasting sip, she laid herself down on the cool wooden flooring that would act as her warm and comfortable bed tonight. Her elbows were bent on either side of her body, adjoining with the outline of her waist in forming a shape representing that of a triangle, raising the upper half of her body –in order for her eyes to continue wandering in the night sky that was becoming more and more embellished in beauty with the more times she drained her sakazuki dry._

"_So just win! You should just do everything in your might to simply win! It doesn't matter whether you run off or attack from behind as long as you win! It doesn't matter whether you fight two or a hundred against one as long as you win! But, if you want not to be called a coward, then become stronger so you can win with a frontal attack no matter what condition you're in! If you want not to be helped by your comrades, then become stronger so they will feel no guilt as bystanders witnessing your pain! If you wish to continue hiding your powers, then become stronger until you no longer need to depend on them to win! Become stronger, and win in the face of death." Her face was already glowing crimson under the influence of sake, but when Yumichika decided to risk a slight glance in her direction, he noticed that it was a colour different to his own. "Just become stronger… and be proud for that. Wouldn't that suit your personality better…?" In silence, they both filled that lingering blank with the same name._

_There were still questions he wanted to ask her. The mountain of enigma had degraded slightly in height, but it still loomed down upon him, and he knew that his curiosity and pride would not cease to thirst for the peak of this Everest. He wanted to ask her what had prompted her decision to return to the eleventh division, and what had settled her determination to leave Soi Fon and the second. He wanted to ask her why she decided to return despite the barrier of differences that prevented her from ever truly belonging to the eleventh, and why she had chosen to leave the captain to whom she had sworn a lifetime of service and allegiance, not to mention forfeiting her position as vice-captain of her division. Yet even more, he wondered why she was willing to forsake everything that she had once worked strenuously for; everything that she had risked every fight for, something she had desired above all else… He wanted to ask her what had veered her soul towards a path entirely different to the one she had been walking down all her life; what, or who had transformed the alter into the lamb, and what, or who would now become the new alter for which she would continue to present with offering after offering until it finally drained the last droplet of life from her soul. _

_But the sound of her heavy breathing signaled that night had already prevailed over her mind. And seeing that her mouth would no longer deliver words to satiate his thirst, he sat up, his legs crossed under the sweeping black cloth of his robe, and emptied the last trace of liquid stubbornly clinging to the bottom of the slim-necked container. With some difficulty in his drowsy state, he raised himself to his feet, staggered over slowly and quietly to her side, crouched down and wrapped his black robe gently around her right arm. He knew that metal froze readily on bitter nights like this one, so his eyes relayed back and forth from the blade of her shoulder to her fingertips, carefully inspecting that every inch of gray flesh was protected as best as it could. She was never one to complain about the pain afflicted on her by that metal limb; everything from its initial installation when her wound had been sliced open and wires stringed onto her nerves –thus letting flesh and metal become one –to the afflictions caused by daily life and the constant battles that came with it. But the duty of a friend is to attend to the pains and frailties of a fellow comrade, so it was his duty to watch over her. Even if the ideals of the eleventh division prevented him from ever helping her in battle, he would remain by her side –and Ikkaku's too –simply because presence alone was the only form of amity they were willing to accept. _

_At this very moment, Yumichika's eyes shined with a gentle glimmer of kindness and endearment. But no one, not even Iba Tetsuzaemon, who had already left after the falling of the first silence, was present to see it before it disappeared._


End file.
